4 things your newborn does NOT need....

"They" say every child is different, that what works for one may not work for another. And that gadgets that were helpful for one may not be helpful for another. In my experience,"they" are indeed correct!

These are a few things that I have learnt (from my experience) that are possibly never needed for your newborn...

Top and tail bowl - first we had to work out what one of these things was before we  decided if we needed one. (For those unfamiliar, think of a bowl with two compartments - you can wash the 'top' of baby with one and the 'tail' of baby with the other.) Chances are, you will use this for the first few weeks of parenthood and then decide it is a waste of time, effort and (valuable) space. We used an old dual compartment Tupperware container for about two weeks before it was discarded. 

Fancy baby baths and bath seats - starting with a disclaimer... if you have trouble getting down low/reaching across the side of a bath, then something you can put on the floor/dining table etc may be exactly what you need. For the rest of us, laying a baby down flat in the bath with a little water up to the sides of their face (with a warm facecloth over the belly if you are worried about cold air) means that baby cannot fall or slide off, out or over the edge of the bath/bath seat. Miss/Master will, by default, also become accustomed to water in ears and eyes which should make washing hair and learning to swim that little bit easier. (Obviously, ensure ears are dried well after bath time). Our first born was first bathed in the laundry basket, then in one of those change table with baby bath things (it meant I did not have to bend down to bath her). Second time around both the wash basket and the 'standing height' baby change table with baby bath were ignored and Master went straight into the bath with his big sister. It was one less thing to clean in the bathroom. *update: after the arrival of 3rd child we did use a basic metal frame thing with a Terry cloth stretched over it. This enabled me to put all children in the bath together and so was worth the clutter and extra cleaning for me.

Breast feeding capes - it takes a little practice, but I happily wore scarves during my breastfeeding days and these appropriately 'maintained my dignity' while allowing me to feed my Miss and Master without distraction, without cold air getting where it should not (Miss was a winter birth) and without causing the baby or myself to swelter (Miss and Master are still little heaters). My repurposed scarves meant I had one less thing to carry every time I changed rooms, left the house or travelled abroad.

Fancy/fiddly clothes - while some may have a desire to put newborns in something special for going home, beyond this, the first few days and weeks will be a blur. Make it as easy as possible to dress and undress them (sometimes, literally, in your sleep), and to wash, dry and put away the clothes. This is especially important if you have a reflux newborn, believe me.

If experience teaches you that any of these things are necessary for your family, then you'll be able to make a doubt-free purchase

Too busy to be

I have been saying so for months, but it is nonetheless true: Things have been a little hectic around here of late.

I am always filling my time with things that need to be done, things that must be done. And when I get a gap, I fill it with something new to be done. I often joke that if I am not busy, I would be bored. If things are not done, the world will fall apart. Well, my world anyway. And then it did fall apart.

These are a few things I have learnt, the hard way, about making time to 'be'.

We recently took Miss and Master swimming with visiting family. We had actually planned many such outings but were always 'busy' doing 'things' and only managed it the once. I was not swimming so I found a table overlooking the pool and perched myself there, studying (yet another 'thing' that must be done). I took such joy from watching Miss and Master enjoyed the simple pleasure playing in the water that I had tears in my eyes.

This past Christmas we were blessed with many guests - a total of six adults and as many children. Early on Christmas morning, Father Christmas' sleigh bells rang out to mark 'present opening time' (at a little after 6am) and all the Misses and Masters scrambled for the stairs. Although this was surely cute, more was to come. The reaction to Father Christmas’ return visit (to top up his energy stores with sweet biscuits, of course...) was priceless. Six Miss and Master faces were pressed up against the dining room door glass watching a shy Father Christmas sneak in and out of our sitting room. Screams, squeals and shrieks of delight rang out! Shouts of ‘hello!’ and ‘thank you!’ from Misses and Masters who were bouncing around and waving their arms in desperately unsuccessful attempts to attract Father Christmas' attention. I witnessed the most precious mix of bewilderment and enchantment in each happy little face.
  
Not so long ago, in 2010, a close friend choreographed the most amazing summer holiday escape for a small group of friends; although, we are rather more a quasi family. From the mish-mash that was three different flights into our transit airport and the nail-biting first experience of flying standby, this was a holiday for those who prefer to see things from the funny side, who don’t mind the flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants sort of thing. And we were tested on this; our hire cars would have failed an MOT but the child safety seats looked the business. At the time, none of us seemed able to pin point what made that holiday so amazing. The weather was warm (almost guaranteed at our destination), the food was delicious and the company was second to none. But what made this holiday stand out amongst so many others? These past few months I have had cause to look back, to cogitate. I now know what made that holiday so special. While a couple of us momentarily slipped away to attend urgent work matters, on the whole, we all made the effort to just ‘be’ with each other, our quasi family.

I recall my last family celebration in Australia before moving abroad; it was Christmas in Queensland (another destination that practically guarantees warm weather). There were no young children or any of the fanfare usually associated with Christmas. Rather, it was a gathering of about 20 or so adults who all pitched in with food preparation and enjoyed the glorious, sun-filled days. No rushing about and no busyness; a bunch of folks happy to just ‘be’. The most recent celebration in Australia was much the same. Miss, Master and I flew to Auntie and Uncle’s house; MaMa and Pa joined us there. Plentiful warmth and light allowed Pa and Miss to cut fresh flowers from the garden each night. Miss was intrigued with the different stages of blooming maturity and Pa was happy to teach her more. Miss would rush to the vase every morning to see how her pickings were progressing and update Pa on their progress. During both these periods the focus was not to get out and about and ‘do things’, rather, we simply enjoyed time to ‘be’ with each other.

Folks often offer well-meaning advice, saying “you know, the world wont fall apart if you don’t get x, y or z done”. Although any control freak will tell you that their world will fall apart when certain things are not done. But then, seven months ago, almost to this day, my world did fall apart. And it wasn’t anything to do with my to do list.

There is no replacement for, and nothing better than the simplicity of spending time with those who put a smile on your face and warmth in your heart. It will not change the perception of your world falling apart when 'to do' lists fail to be 'done', but it will give you a life well loved and well lived. We are not blessed with eternal life on this planet. But we are blessed with a finite amount of time to spend with those that we love, and those that love us. 

Cancer and other such nasties have hit me hard this year; too many and too much has been taken. One seat will be empty when our quasi-family take a holiday together this month. We will be one camp-seat short at the extended family's annual camping trip this October. And when my immediate family gather together this Christmas, it will be in the knowledge that without a timely piece of intervention, another seat in my life would also have been empty.

This is not a newsflash. You already know what is most important. Make time to 'be' - with those you love and those that love you. And if you fancy making a difference, if you fancy ensuring the empty seats are not in vain, please, help me keep Victoria's Promise and hit back at cancer.

Tiny Tip : 7

Spilled wax


Spilled wax on your carpet? This happened at a pub I visited recently, and, unfortunately, the carpet had only be laid the previous week. I offered the staff this Tiny Tip and thought I should share it here also...

Getting wax out of carpets is easiest if you leave it to dry first. Place brown butcher paper over the wax (double up the paper if the volume of wax requires it) and iron the affected area; start at the lowest heat setting. The heat will 'reactivate' the wax and the brown paper will draw out and absorb the wax.

Note: I have not tried this on woollen carpet or other natural fibre floor coverings, so do be careful with your heat settings...

Young people and gardening?

With the Chelsea Garden show closed for another year I recall that not so long ago I was less than excited at the prospect of spending an entire day looking at garden 'stuff'. But since my gardening knowledge has increased 100-fold (easy when you start from practically zilch), the garden show is somewhat to my taste these days.

Inspired by the BBC article linked at the end of this blog, here are a few things I have learnt about gardening (which may or may not attract young people to this pastime)...!

Eco-merits - a garden full of plants soaks up rainfall and water run off (flood prevention), helps sustain local wildlife (feeding bees, butterflies and birds etc) and are, of course, a critical element in the photosynthesis process. A compost system recycles organic waste and rewards your anti-landfill efforts with home-grown food for your garden.

Privacy plants - many homes have windows opening onto or close to the street so a carefully placed house plant (large or small) can act as a cheap, natural visual barrier between your home and joe-public beyond.

Clean air - some plants have super air cleaning properties such as spider plants, (Chlorophytum Comosum), which are great near road-facing windows because of their carbon monoxide appetite, and Peace Lillies, (Spathiphyllum Wallisii), which should be kept away from tech due to their air pollution appetite (waste particles will fall in the area surrounding the plant).

Cheap food - very little space is needed to grow tomatoes, berries and leafy salad accompaniments. If your window sills do not offer enough space to fulfil your appetite you can bur 'balcony-size' grow-bags from most garden centres and hardware stores. This is an easy way to make the grocery budget stretch a little farther.

Sense of responsibility - this is targeted more to the very young people, Misses and Masters. My Miss and Master have their own plants to attend to this summer (tomatoes for Master, Strawberries for Miss and a range of berries to share). Miss and Master take great pleasure in tending these plants, remarking on growth and enjoying the fruits of their labour (excuse the pun).

Decorations - whether it be seasonable bulbs or a more permanent flowering display, this is an easy way to scent the air, soften the decor and supplement the ambiance of your home.

Happy house-greening!

BBC - Chelsea Garden Show: Getting youths into gardening

VIP labour?

The other week a headline from The Telegraph alluded to home births being the VIP labour option. Although I have been sucked in by such headlines before, I suspiciously read on and quietly hoped that this might finally be the day that the truth of home births is told. 

You see where I grew up, a home birth is something for hippies and the selfish, (apparently). Although I do not typically recognise myself as either of these, a home birth is what I had my heart set on (eventually) with my first born and (always) with my second born. In the United Kingdom, where I live, a home birth is not a completely foreign event; around 2.7% of births were at home in 2009. In Australia, where I grew up, the rate of planned home births was less than 0.003% in the same year and hospital is widely considered the only place to labour (and is usually obstetrician-led).

Do read the original article for yourself (see link below) as I will not reinvent the wheel when the author has done such a marvellous job. Suffice to say, I know I am not the only home-birther who read the article and nodded along in happy agreement.

Further to the truths within the article, here are four things I have learnt about home births...

Music - get your playlist 'perfect'

We all have different moods that require different tunes. During pregnancy number one I discovered the remarkably relaxing properties of a particular musical genre and applied this knowledge in creating a labour playlist; the playlist worked beautifully, the first time. The second time, however, at a quiet but crucial point the screeching altitonants of J.S. Bach's Goldberg Variations: Aria - written especially for harpsichord - filled the room. I detest harpsichord. In the decades since my first music lesson I have found the jingle-jangled twangs of the harpsichord akin to fingernails scraped down a chalkboard. So, I chanced a vociferous 'I hate harpsichord!' and everyone present dived for the skip button.

Furniture - prepare for the inevitable 

When Papa and I bought our first house together some key furniture pieces were missing, and a dining set was one of them. Our kindly new neighbours came to the rescue and lent us their spare dining table and chairs, and even helped relocate everything to our dining room. Papa was not amused when I ignored his excited announcement: We have a dining table! Rather, I insisted he call the midwife and fill the dining room with my birthing pool.

Curtains - necessary

Curtains were a luxury we were without when Master chose day 6 in our new-build new home to be his birth day. One of the benefits of such a recent house-move is an abundance of cardboard boxes and packing tape, which make quite reasonable curtain substitutes, as it happens. Until the packing tape gave way.

Neighbours - (good ones are) always a blessing

On both occasions we have managed to surprise our neighbours with our home birth antics. Our London neighbour was, I imagine, having a peaceful morning until she heard me through our shared wall (built to the standard of an external wall). More recently, our Hampshire neighbours noticed the arrival and departure of their dinner guests coincided with the arrival and departure of our midwives (asking whether our 'new' dining set fitted well in our dining room...). These are the lovely neighbours that nursed a very sick, pregnant Mama (in London) and cooked for a tired Mama of 'two under two' (in Hampshire) - a blessing even at the most stressful of times.

So, would I recommend a home birth? The truth is that this is not for everyone. If Mama (to-be) believes that home is the most relaxing place to labour then I recommend a great deal of research and many, many conversations (with the right people) before any plans are pronounced. 

The prospect of a home birth was always something for myself and Papa to research and discuss with each other, with medical professionals and with others who have actually had a planned home birth. This blog is not a recommendation, endorsement or to-be-relied-upon information from a person of reasonable and/or relevant authority. This is simply a Mama sharing snippets of her home birth experiences.

Upon divulging Miss and Master's place of birth, I am often greeted with the same exclamation as the article author: Oh, you are so brave! Actually, no, I am not. Labouring at home was the most relaxing and comfortable place for me. It was not brave. It was my way of having a VIP labour.


The Telegraph: Busting the smug myth: Ladies, home births really are the VIP labour option

Tiny Tip : 6

Want your cleaning to last longer?

After cleaning your porcelain hand basin (or toilet etc), sparingly spray the surface with furniture polish and use a clean, dry cloth to spread the polish across the porcelain. This helps prevent hard water spots, toothpaste blobs and hairspray films from forming on your freshly cleaned porcelain.

This method does have a shelf life, but it will extend the 'just cleaned' look at a cost of just a few seconds of cleaning.

Tiny Tip : 5

Burnt pots

I recently set my full pressure cooker on the hob to cook and then promptly forgot about it. About 20 minutes later I removed the lid to find the 5mm-deep, unrecognisable cremated remains of a leek and potato soup. This is how it was cleaned...

Boil lemon juice and baking powder/bicarbonate of soda in the pot, let it boil hard for as long as necessary to lift your burnt meal. If you have conducted a proper cremation, like in m pot, your solution might need refreshing. A little rubbing and scrubbing may help, but the solution will lift 99% of the mess. 

I have since reacquainted myself with my oven timer.