Miss surely wondered what on earth was going on; it was well after bedtime and there were five adults in Mama and Papa's bedroom. And a little person laying in her Mama's arms. Here are a few things I have learnt about bring a new baby into the house...
Firstly, with SPD-related reduced mobility for most of her life, my toddler Miss was well within reason to be a bit cross. I was not able to lift, play physically or get out the house much with Miss. And then she is woken in the middle of the night (literally, it was midnight) with a expectation of midwives and a persistence of parents, all fawning over a new Master. You could say I had extra motivation to ensure the welcome of Miss' brotherly intruder was a happy one for all the family.Feel the love Babies want for little in the early weeks (mind-numbingly numerous feeds, burping, changing, settling to sleep (perhaps); repeat). Toddlers, however, require a great deal of engaged attention. I talked with Miss about anything (literally, housework, garden birds...) and made sure to engage her in 'looking after Master' activities that gave her importance and a focus. My favourite, given my SPD, was for Miss to help me gather nappy change necessities because I always forgot one thing or another.
Share the love ...of a good book. Two facts: Babies need regular feeding (see above); toddlers love a good book reading. To capitalise on these I combined them. With Master latched and Miss sitting in front of me I read stories over Miss' shoulder while she turned the pages. Master was happy (read: eating). Miss was happy (read: multitudes of books readings). Mama was happy (read: our home was calm).
Love me, love my brother Having to step away from the toddler at a moments notice (because I never was good a keeping an infant schedule) can make a first-born quite displeased with their fortune. Every time this happened I asked Miss' 'permission' to help Master so that Master would be happy and we could continue a particular activity (I rotated a list of her favourites). Perhaps cheeky, even bribery, but when one wants the right answer one must ask the right question...
If you love something (or someone), set it free It stabbed at my heart to hear my suspicions confirmed, but I pointedly asked Miss (then 5) and Master (then 3) to freely express what they liked and did not like about the impending arrival of a new Master or Miss invader to our home. A similar conversation was had after little Master arrived and we have since enjoyed Papa-Miss/big Master and Mama-Miss/big Master dates to help balance the attention books. Today, Miss and big Master quite freely air their complaints and compliments - I count this as one of a handful of success stories from my Mama-journey thus far!
Love is patient Substitute "Mama", when Miss is fed up with playing second fiddle and imitates Master by crying for attention. Alas, patience is a virtue and I missed that queue when I was born. To use another quote: Love always wins. As Mama love Miss, and Miss loves Mama, surely did patience win the day.
Love is kind but does not always arrive at an optimum outcome...
This Mama certainly does not have all the answers and (naturally) suffers Mama guilt for putting big Master through 38 weeks of morning sickness and a little Master invader, and for putting Miss through these twice. What Miss and big Master have learnt, I think, is that love does not always result in the optimum outcome, but the intent is good towards those we love. And that is the most important ingredient: Love.
* although some quotes are altered for purpose, credit to St. Bernard of Clairvaux, Corinthians 13:4-7 and the unknown authors of the remaining quotes
